Proverbs 18:2
A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.
If you're like me, as soon as you read this Proverb someone's face popped into your head. Sadly, one of those faces was mine. We all have experience with the "over-talker", the "story-topper", and the "never-stopper". Which one are you? Which one are you most often guilty of being? Before I began my leadership development journey, I was an "over-talker" and a "personal attacker".
My self-esteem was so low that I would constantly attack people and their ideas, because I thought somehow this was making me look smart. I would argue with people even if I actually agreed with them. Thankfully, God threw me the life-line of personal development and leadership development because that is what He used with me to hone me into the man He had always intended for me to be.
Normally, low self-esteem and low/no self-confidence is the cause of why people become the fool. Sadly, this disease leads to multiple bad attitudes: being...unteachable, sarcastic, argumentative, using profane and vulgar language, boastful, self-centered, and disrespectful. When you look at this list it is easy to see why the fool "takes no pleasure in understanding".
In order to "seek to understand", you have to be humble and teachable. You have to stop talking and listen to the other person. The only way that we gain understanding is by listening; whether it's listening to another person, reading a book, or listening to an educational audio. In conversation, try this little experiment:
Ask a question to start the conversation.
After that, make every statement you make end with a question mark.
Do not make a demonstrative statement, or an "I" statement, until you are asked a question.
What's the point of that little experiment?
When you are asking questions, you can't "air your own opinions". When you are asking questions you are showing that you delight in understanding the other person. When you do this, you are making huge deposits into that relationship. Imagine the affect this could have on your marriage. What if you actually did this with your children? What about your friends? If you start doing this you could actually end up with all 3!😃
The reality is that we all want to be liked, even people who claim otherwise. The quickest way to get people to like you is to ask them about themselves. Most people love to talk about themselves. So let them. Let them impress you with how awesome they are. They will love you for it! The kicker is that when you do this you will find out that people actually are amazing. They have great ideas. They know some stuff that you don't. They have done some stuff that you have never even imagined doing.
This is how real relationships are built. This is how you have a mature, grown-up conversation. This is how you build influence. This is how you build a large social network. The more meaningful relationships you have, the greater your impact will be on the world. When you start building social capital like this you will become the Great Connector. You will be able to connect people together who otherwise would have never met. Imagine the impact two, or more, passionate mission-minded individuals will have on the world once you introduce them to each other!
I have talked about the ripple effect before, but if you will become this kind of leader you will never see the end of your impact. This is the way that you impact the next 100 generations. You could never do that on your own.
In Launching A Leadership Revolution (LLR) Orrin Woodward and Chris Brady talk about Level 5 Leadership: Developing Leaders Who Develop Leaders. In the past, I looked at this selfishly. I looked at it as though I would be personally mentoring leaders who would mentor leaders...and so on. Part of Level 5 Leadership is personally mentoring leaders, but that's not all there is. In the LLR book they actually call the five leadership levels: The Five Levels of Influence. Leadership is influence.
The reality is that you don't have enough time to mentor every leader that is needed in the world, but what if you could start connecting leaders to each other and then let them expand their influence synergistically around the world? If you keep a Connector's mindset, and focus energy on connecting leaders to each other their passion, vision, and mission will ignite a Leadership Revolution around the world. This is something you could never do on your own.
Remember how this all started: seek understanding and stop airing your own opinions. Leadership starts when people actually like you and respect you. There is no short-cut to Level 5 Leadership. You only get there by listening to the wisdom of Solomon. Then submit to God's plan and watch Him bless it however He chooses. It will be greater than you could possibly imagine!
God bless
Jason Fredrick
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